Taylor Writes Too Much

Alright, I suppose I can start.

As many of you may or may not know, something totally awesome happened last night. Something unexpected, yet beautiful. I don't know where to start, so I guess I'll just start from the beginning. This is kind of my new testimony, I suppose, and it may very well just turn into me ranting on about how awesome Jesus and Mary are. I also write a lot all the time, and I go on unexpected tangents more than Seminarian Dave, so feel free to exit the browser at any point. So here I go.

I was born and raised Lutheran. When I was little, we went to church every week as a family. My dad would come sometimes, wouldn't come other times. As I grew older, it became Sunday school every week. Obviously as a kid I basically saw it as a burden, something that interrupted my sleep time on the weekends, but I still went. Then, when I was eight, my parents divorced. For a while, everything continued on as normal--we would go to church on Sundays and everything was fine. Once my mom started seriously dating David, however, things changed. Dave (who would eventually become my stepfather) is Atheist, or Agnostic, or something. Basically he doesn't believe in anything we believe, and he doesn't like talking about God. That definitely took a toll on our church-going. We still went to Sunday school, but we didn't always go to mass afterward. It continued like this for a few years--once my brother and sister got confirmed, they both stopped going to church. It became just my mom and me, every week.

The summer after sixth grade, however, changed everything. My friend Jessie and I had stumbled upon Camp Gray when searching for a summer camp to go to, and we decided to give it a try. We had no idea how much faith could be interwoven into everyday life, and it was beautiful. Corey was our counselor, and she made Jesus cool for us. He was no longer an idea that we talked about once a week; He was real. He loved us so much that He died for us, and that was so awesome (it still is so awesome!). When we went home, I was determined to keep growing in my faith like I did at camp. As Lutherans, we started Confirmation classes at around this time. Unlike my peers, I really took it seriously and tried to gain as much out of it as possible. These classes really helped me develop my personal relationship with God, and I'm so grateful for that. Throughout the next few years, I did the same thing: learned through classes, learned through camp, and my relationship with God really grew. It grew so much that I helped out at Vacation Bible School for three years in a row, and led the preschool section for a third year. It grew so much that I taught a Sunday school class this past year. It just grew to a point where I felt so comfortable with God, and I didn't really think I could get much closer to Him. I didn't really understand the specifics of my religion, but I understood that I loved Jesus, and I thought that was enough. I was quite dependent on camp, though. I found that whenever I wanted to feel closer to God, I would just think about my counselors and my friends, and my relationship would strengthen. I went every year from sixth grade on--every year, minus one. In 2008, my scheduling was messed up and I didn't think I had time for the week of Camp Gray, so instead I went to the Lutheran camp through my church. I hated it. I was used to immense feelings of God's love and glory, and here it was like everyone was just here to sing about God. I mean, obviously that helped, but I wanted more, and Camp Gray gave it to me. I knew I needed this place. I wasn't sure why it was so much better, I just knew it was. I felt at home at camp, and I couldn't sacrifice that another year.

So in 2009, I was an Explorer for the first time. I was a little apprehensive at first, but I had heard from so many people that it's a life-changing experience, so I went into it with an open mind. Goodness, did it help me. I found myself so interested in learning everything I could. Mitch helped me so much in that one short week. He was just so full of insight and he really helped me become so much closer to Jesus, and it was awesome.I left that week feeling so blessed and so amazing about my life, and that camp feeling never really died down. For the next year, my faith life was so strong, and I loved it. I couldn't possibly imagine getting any closer to God than I already was.

...Then this year came. The first week was awesome, obviously. I grew so close to all of you, plus I really felt like God wanted me to be there. I really worked hard to let God guide me, and I felt his presence. He wrapped His arms around me and kept me safe, and I felt it all the time. It was so beautiful, and so awesome! Once second week came, I decided it was time to really get serious. I had always come to camp with a somewhat-open mind. I respected the Catholic church, but I didn't agree with it--which is how I looked at the rosary. One day as I went into the chapel, I figured I'd get it out. I knew I wanted so badly to become a counselor next year, but I knew there was no chance I'd get it if I didn't even know this simple form of prayer. So I went to the chapel and, simply for the sake of memorization, I began. I got through it, and as soon as I had the Hail Mary memorized, I felt pride take over. I was so happy that I had done this, and it made me hopeful that I'd be able to keep doing this in the future. After I got over that, though, something even more amazing happened. It was the greatest sensation I've ever experienced--every muscle in my body relaxed and I gave myself completely to God. He held me up and the Holy Spirit consumed my every pore. Peace overwhelmed me and His love ran through my veins. I felt completely perfect, like nothing I had ever before experienced. Mary did that for me, you guys. Seriously! It's so awesome! I can have this awesome relationship with Jesus, but when Mary intercedes it's so much more powerful! I can't even comprehend it, but it's awesome.

So as you all know, week two is when I really started to question my religion. I turned to Jenna, and she helped me so much. She didn't force me one way or another, and she really helped to strengthen my relationship with Mary. She showed me the real love that God has for all of us, and it was so beautiful. She provided me with resources that made me able to find answers even when she wasn't around, and made me able to rely on my own judgment when I need answers. Ha, then there's Bill. I didn't really get to know him the first week like everyone else did, but I knew he was a Seminarian, so he obviously (obvi) knew what he was talking about. Holy cow, he definitely changed my mind on a lot of things. I came to him with so many stereotypes of the Catholic church, and he just immediately broke them down and made them so easy to comprehend. God put them there for me, and I am so grateful and I feel so blessed that they were there--but I was still torn. I felt alone, like no one else had any idea what I was going through at all. For real though guys, God never ceases to amaze me. When I was at my lowest point, He put Danny next to me. Danny knew exactly what I was going through, and it was awesome to have someone like that. He struggled like I did; he doubted like I did. He was able to take the pressure off of my situation and help me realize that my decision needs to be made for me, not anyone else. Things just made sense, and it was awesome. God put these people with me, and they helped me so much. Plus I saw the beauty in everyone else at camp, and it just made me realize how God really wanted something special to happen to me while I was there. Michelle, your childlike faith is beautiful. I love how you get so excited about things and you're so willing to listen to everyone and hear their opinions on things and show them that God is always here for them. Miranda, your faith is passionate and beautiful. God has challenged you so much in your life, but you jump in head-first and show Him that you can do it. You are so strong in your life and in your faith, and it is so beautiful to witness. MC, you've been bombarded with both the Catholic and Lutheran sides all of your life, and it's so great to see how strong your faith has been through all of this. You're a leader and you let God guide you, and I love it so much. Oh Tessa. For real, I love you so much. You are so full of questions that I am praying get answered for you, because I know it will help you so much. You're so compassionate and loving, and you show people the beauty of God all the time. Dan, you're so fun. You could lighten the mood at anytime, and you helped us all to become much more outgoing and loving, just as Jesus wants. Seriously, God loves your spirit, and so do I! It's so amazing, fo realsies. And Alanna. There's so much depth to you, and it's so glorious. You are such a fun-loving person, but you also let God show you the way. You know so much about your faith and what you believe, and you have taught me so much about sharing my faith and the beauty of God. Oh, and you give a mean lion hug (my first ever, might I add!).

So leaving camp, I felt prepared. I talked to people all of the time, and I let (okay, forced) everyone help me whenever I needed it. I stole Jenna and Bill from their breaks and their free time; I ranted to Michelle for a half hour about my worries of not being fulfilled; I connected with Danny through our faith, and it was beautiful. I leaned to Mary, and she helped me so much! I had so many days where I just felt empty. I knew something was missing, so I turned to her. She filled me, you guys. She made everything better, and it was so amazing! She brought me peace when I had given up, and she helped me to realize that God wants to help me so much. I just have to ask.

So then last night, Danny and I went up to camp. I had originally used the return of Jenna's book as my excuse, but it was really because I missed it so much. We made plans that Danny, Jenna, Bill, and I would go out to dinner, just to catch up and chat about what was going on in our faith lives. Well, when Danny and I showed up, it was clean-up time. By the time that was finished, it was staff meeting time. So we grabbed our stuff and headed to the chapel for some one-on-one time with the man upstairs. I prayed the rosary like I always do, and then I just asked God for help. I had struggled every minute of every day over what I was going to do, and I just needed Him to help me.

And then it happened.

It was like Jesus took over me, and let me know that I needed to stop fighting. That same perfect feeling that I had experienced a month earlier occurred last night, except this time it had a message attached. God wanted me to know that He was going to be here for me, and I just needed to follow His path. He wanted me to give up my struggles and just realize what He wants for me. God wants me to be Catholic. I just knew it. It was perfect, and it filled me with so much joy and I just wanted to tell everyone! So then I went to talk to Danny. It was clear that we were both finished, and as we began to talk, he told me what had happened to him. Sitting on separate sides of the chapel, praying over different things, we both came to the exact same decision at the exact same time. We were going to convert. It was so awesome, and it made us feel so amazing and wonderful and completely blessed that God would do this to us.

Our conversation only lasted about ten minutes, but we were so excited. We left the chapel and went to the labyrinth while the staff meeting continued. There, we continued to talk about our worries and struggles, and how we thought everyone would react to hearing our news. When we were finished, we still had to waste time, so we walked around camp until everyone else finished. We saw the new mural (which rocks, by the way), went into the Joe, and went to the bench that I spent so much time at throughout the weeks. When the staff meeting finished, we were informed that Bill and Jenna had to shower, but it got to a point where we couldn't hold it in anymore.

Jenna was picking up her stuff, and we went up to her. We had planned to say it synchronized, but the two of us are far too mentally uncoordinated for that to work, so we just said it. We told her what happened, and it was the most exciting thing ever. Jenna screamed louder than I knew she (or anyone else, for that matter) was capable of. Everyone stared at us as we hugged each other and talked about how completely and totally AMAZING it was. So, obviously, we told everyone. We got so many smiles, so many hugs, so many prayers. Tears were shed and people were picked up mid-hug. It was seriously the most love I think I have ever felt, and Jesus did that. It was one of those moments that felt completely surreal, but at the same time it was wonderful.

We didn't tell Bill until dinner. It was kind of awesome, because everyone else on camp had found out. But seriously guys, telling him was so great. It's hard to explain, but I guess because I've seen God work through him so much over the weeks, it was like seeing God so completely ecstatic that I had finally realized what He had wanted from me all along. I'm never going to forget last night, because it was so perfect. Jesus filled my every need, and it was wonderful. The best part, though? He's not done. He's going to continue to fulfill me and make everything so glorious for me for the rest of my life. And fo realsies, it's awesome.

So that's where I'm at. I've told both my mom and my dad, but it didn't go well. They think I'm brainwashed, no matter how hard I try to explain it to them. My mom is really trying, though. She doesn't understand it, but she knows me, and she wants to. Please please PLEASE pray for them! Pray that they're open, and they see the glory that I have seen through Jesus. Because seriously guys, He rocks. Help them to realize that He did this to me on purpose, and who knows? Maybe one day they'll join me in this path I have taken.

Lord, thank you so much for these people you've blessed me with, and continue showing them Your glory and love every day. Help them to continue showing the world how beautiful You are. Blessed Mother, pray for us. Show us what God wants, and lead us to where He needs us most. Jesus, in your name, I pray. Amen.

Peace and love, LITs.
I'm praying for you.
Taylor