Things I Wish I Would Have Done in My 2.5 Weeks

I am not at all complaining about my experience as an LIT. It couldn't have been more perfect. I discovered myself and discovered a deep spirituality that I never expected. I also discovered the overwhelming beauty of a Church I had so ignorantly misinterpreted, and that's the greatest thing I could ever ask for. The thing about Camp Gray, though, is that no matter how much you gain from it--no matter how big of an impact it has had on you, no matter how much you love going there, no matter how beautiful you may think it is--it always has more to offer (I know, obvi, God made this place for people to grow closer to Him, and He always pulls through on that). There's just so much that I would do if I had more time at Camp--individually, with you all, with my campers. with everyone. If I am blessed with a position there this summer, I will do all of this. I'll check everything off, then do it all over again. I'll continue developing in my relationship with our Father and whomever I find myself strolling the paths with. If I don't get hired, I'll live--but I may need to come visit someone so that I can take full advantage of the beauty of Camp Gray.

Things I Wish I Would Have Done in My 2.5 Weeks

1. Spent more time in the grotto

I can't even begin to explain how much peace Mary has brought me. She is so perfect, and being loved enough by God to have a relationship with the mother of Jesus completely astounds and humbles me. Seriously, guys. She's the reason I'm becoming Catholic. Her rosary--praying through Mary--completely changed my life. The grotto is so simple, yet so powerful. The emphasis on the Mary statue just made me forget everything else and remember how awesome and perfect the Blessed Mother is. Despite the hoards of mosquitos that bombarded me every time I went to this forest-surrounded haven, it was perfect. If I had the chance, I would spend hours upon hours praying to Mary in that grotto. So wonderful.

2. Explored the labyrinth more

I've never actually been taught how to explore the labyrinth. I don't know if it's supposed to have a meaning other than forgetting your other thoughts and focusing on God? Who knows. After hearing Glenna's awesome story about her experience, I wish I would have gone through it more (if you don't know Glenna, you should get to know her. She's an awesome person). Danny and I did it on the day we made our decision(!), but that was together and we spoke throughout. No, I want my alone time with God. I want a chance to hear nothing but what He wants me to hear. I can do that through prayer, but this real interactive experience can be so powerful. If I had the chance, I would go through the labyrinth alone. Just to see how it feels.

3. Explored the trails more

I've been a camper for many years, so I'm pretty confident that I know my way around most of camp. I could take you to any well-known location with ease, but that's not what I want. I want to explore and find things I never even knew existed. I want to find the spot that God wants me to find, somewhere perfect for me to pray and develop and become the Christian He wants me to be. I want to explore the purple trail and the red trail and unmarked trails and just see where they lead me. This year, my spot was probably the most obvious place ever--the bench, right next to the BBC. It's slightly raised up, giving me the view of every angle, with the shade of the trees next to me. I witnessed a lot from that bench--from late-night stargazers to kitchen raids to yet another furniture-moving pathfinder prank. Plus, I read pages and pages of books that would completely change my outlook on faith and life and everything that goes along with them. Life is good.
4. Learned to not sleep
I broke the rules and stayed up way past our bedtime on more than one occasion. I always wanted to stay awake all night and get everything accomplished that I could imagine, but it didn't work out that way. Ever. More often than anything else, I would wish that I could just keep talking, keep learning, keep discovering new ways to praise Jesus. Unfortunately, we need to charge up, so that didn't happen. Learning how to not sleep would have solved so many problems for me.
5. Spent more time in the chapel
I spent so much time in St. Francis. Every day at least once, for sure. I honestly do not understand how a chapel so tiny can have such great effects on people. I mean seriously, it's where I decided to become Catholic. Such a holy place in such a tiny space. I love it, and I wish I had all the time in the world to just sit there, reflect, and pray.

Things I May Have Sacrificed to Make Those Things Come True
1. Time bonding with my LITs
2. Seriously awesome one-on-ones (or two-on-ones, or two-on-twos)
3. Hot chocolate with a button that stuck every time
4. Miranda smacking the fly in the middle of our devotion
5. One of my campers telling her friend not to worry, that she got through her homesickness when she "pictured God lying next to me, giving me a big hug and telling me how much he wants me to have fun with my friends and my counselors." Melted my heart.
6. Realizing that I'm not as good at tetherball as I was when I was a trailblazer (and I'm not as grossly competitive, either)
7. The faces of my girls during Mass. Praising Jesus and loving it. So beautiful.
8. Dan Harper's other half
9. The hallways of Vinnie's at night. Lit up only by the light of a stray headlamp or two, filled with soothing songs for our Father
10. The end of Sundae Crunch bars at Camp Gray. Such a sad day.
11. My very first lion hug
12. That lion hug turning into an obsession, making me embarrass myself constantly, but love it nonetheless
13. Almost sleeping in our tents three nights in a row, until we finally gave up and just moved into the Joe
14. Walking into the chapel the first day Father Greg got to Camp, and being alone in the chapel with him. Realizing what a wonderful impact he would have on campers, and being overwhelmed with joy.
15. The moment I realized that God helped Michelle help me, and helped me help Michelle
16. Learning how to make a rosary. Not only could I pray it, but now I could create a tool to bring myself and others closer to Him
17. Danny walking into a conversation about my struggles, and subsequently discovering he had the exact same ones. Slowly realizing that he is in the exact same point in his faith life as I.
18. Countless other somethings beautiful that are not currently popping into my mind.

Basically, Camp Gray is a holy place. God filled me with this hunger for His glory, and this place helped me temporarily fill it. God is love, God is home. Camp is filled with the Holy Spirit; therefore, it is filled with love, and it is home. And if this picture didn't fill you with love and joy, I don't know what will.

(Courtesy of Lauren, and the Camp Gray Facebook page)

Love you all. Praying for you, always.

Taylor