Hey all,
Before I say anything more, let me note that I have been following this blog continuously over the past few months, and would post more, however, all of your wonderful posts make my ideas seem a bit shabby. Needless to say, I have finally come up with a few ideas that I hope to get up here in the upcoming days/weeks that consist of three main ideas and/or stories. Firstly, mainly the story part of this mini series is found in the depths of this first post relating to how God has recently helped me snap my life back in to the right perspective and focus my attention on what is truly important: God and all his glory, and how I can better serve and worship him. This story is then tied in to the second of these new ideas I've been blessed to come up with, how often we forget why we go to church, and contains some recent news about how we interact with our fellow parishoners and priests. The third and final thought, is a bit of a tangent from the other two, it relates to the idea of sadness and how it relates to our souls when we reach the heavenly gates of our father's kingdom.
On to the main event then. This story focuses on how my newfound desire to be a part of our most Holy Catholic Church had begun to slip, and how God reminded me what he had in mind for my faith future. So pretty much since Cross Country began, I found myself losing sight of God, and losing focus on how I can be the best I can in order to praise him and worship him. I was so focused on being making the All-State team that I was willing to sacrifice anything to achieve it. This desire to succeed seemed to drown out anything else in my mind, and I could barely do anything without it burning its way in to my thoughts. Finally, the State meet came, and instead of making first team like I wanted, I had one of my poorest performances of the season (which I also thank God for, since I have now come to realize it was his way of telling me, "Forget me, and you forget the ability to succeed in using the gifts I have given you." Not to give you the wrong idea, I still made the All-State honorable mentions list, however I was still pretty steamed/ crushed about having fallen so short of my goal of first team (For reference, 1st team & 2nd team consist of the top 40 runners in the state, regardless of division, and honorable mention is the next 10 after those 40). So what did I do, did I step back and start looking for God in my hour of disappointment? Did I let go of this fervent desire to be one of the best that was choking me off from the world? No, instead I chose to refocus this incessant, unceasing desire (Desire isn't really the right word for this feeling, however I have yet to find a word that accurately describes exactly what I was feeling, and desire is the closest) on another race, a national qualifying meet in late november. I trained and trained through november, everyday by myself regardless of conditions or how I felt. I was so confident, arrogant in myself and what I had accomplished, that I forgot that it was God who had blessed me with this passion and ability to train unceasingly and to achieve what I wouldn't have thought possible a year ago. So, a week before the meet, he decided to remind me yet again, that he was still there, and that he was still my all powerful creator who can take away, as easily as he can give. He gave me this second nudge in the form of Plantar Fachiitis in my right foot (I know, sounds scary, but really isn't too bad. It's basically an overworked tendon in the base of your foot that stretches from heel to toes, and will cause you a lot of pain if you aren't careful). Turns out, my own desire to train so fervently had led to this injury, which would now cost me my final 8 days of training, by not paying attention to the fact that my running shoes had become so beat up, that they were no longer properly supporting my feet (hence the PF).
I know what you're thinking, "Dan, you must have gotten the hint by now right?" Sorry, you're wrong, I just got mad, and figured I could still train light and hopefully still do well at the meet. Well, the day of the meet came, and I had agreed to drive some friends of mine up to the meet (which is in Kenosha) with me. Again, I hate to pause for explanations, but this is a key point that if you don't understand, may lead to some confusion. Originally, I had planned to run in the boys seeded race, which is the race that if you finish in the top 10, you qualify for the national meet. This is not the only race you can run though, there is a second race for Junior and Senior boys who are talented, but may not be quite up to the level of the national qualifying guys (guys like me who are pretty good, but really have no real hope of qualifying for the national meet). Everyone understand? Excellent! Back to the story then. On my way up, my friends convinced me that since I was already injured, why not run the lower stakes Jr./Sr. race and maybe win a shiny medal (how exciting!). Finally, I agreed and decided to run with them in the unseeded (junior/senior) race. Skip to the starting line, 5 minutes before race time, as I walked around, finishing my pre-race warm up, a thought struck me. As I stood next to the starting line, my thoughts about Camp, and all of you wonderful LIT's, a certain supervisor, and a certain seminarian, I thought about God. It was a good feeling, and then I decided to pray. I asked God to help me through the race, and I offered up all the suffering I was about to endure (let's be honest, races aren't really "fun" until you finish) to him. The gun went off, and the battle of wills, hearts, and minds began. I'll spare you the blow by blow race account and skip to the end, it involves me sprinting past the leader and winning the race (my first win of my high school career I might add, coincidence between that and my prayer, I think not). I was all excited and thrilled and yada yada so let's skip to the next portion of our story. A week after that weekend, after a few months of missing out on celebration our father and sharing the holy eucharist in the holy mass, Taylor got me to come for another service at St. Pauls. Let me just say, I had forgotten just how great mass is. I can't say I remember every detail of it, but I do remember a familiar peace of mind returned to me during it, and while I was praying, this whole experience snapped life back into perspective for me and how I had failed to remember how great God truly is, and how he is always there for us when we are willing to let him in.
One more thing before I go, notice how I didn't say that it was my own training and guts that won the race, in fact, I really didn't do all that much other than turn my legs over. God came to me during that race. Everytime I wanted to give up, wanted to slow down to avoid any more pain, a little voice in my head kept telling me, "keep going, you can do it, I believe in you." I know for a fact that this voice wasn't mine, it was God, telling me he still believed in me. It's truly amazing how willing God is to forgive you no matter how many times you sin, no matter how long you shut him out for, he's still there, with open arms waiting for you to invite him in.
That's all I have for now, I hope this post finds all of you in great places in your lives and filled with God's wonder and love.
Peace and Love to all of you,
Dan(ny)
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