Remember that get-to-know-the-staff scavenger hunt Jenna had us do during the first week? Well, my first clue was that this staff member was obsessed with Starbucks, and their favorite saint was St. Josemaria Escriva. (Yes, it was Bill) This name stuck in my head all week, mostly because I couldn't pronounce it, and that really bothered me. Then, while working in the kitchen during Week 2, I noticed that St. Josemaria Escriva was quoted on the kitchen wall. Who is this chick? I thought to myself. Then, finally, during one of our first devotions with Bill, he started talking about his favorite saint. He mentioned a book that might be in the chapel, and so I went looking for it.
I arrived at the chapel for adoration, something I really didn't think I would get a whole lot out of. (I've always had a problem with daydreaming. I sometimes wonder how God ever understands anything I say while praying-my thoughts are so completely random and unorganized) St. Francis of Assisi Chapel calls to me, and I can't stay away. The smell of wood, the comforting silence, the way the light pours in through that delicate stained glass window and reflects off the monstrance. Its like, the second I step through those doors, I am completely at peace. I feel so safe; so content. I feel loving arms around me, surrounding my doubts with truth and comforting my fears with hope. Who knew someone could feel something so powerful?
I had no problem finding St. Josemaria Escriva's book. (I found out the craziest thing though. This chick was a DUDE) It was a compilation of three books he had written: The Way/Furrow/The Forge. I opened my adoration kneeling in prayer, and as I opened the book, I found the courage to open myself up to the words on those pages. The pages fell to a section on Lukewarmness of Faith. Coincidence? Of course not. This is God we are talking about here! The dude is a pretty big deal. I'm going to wager he has a little control of these kinds of things. Anyways, the passage that I read was this.
I don't understand how you can call yourself a Christian and lead such an idle, useless life. Have you forgotten Christ's life of toil?-St. Josemaria Escriva
This totally humbled me. I had one of those Alanna, YOU are a MORON moments. What in the world have I been complaining about? So what, I feel stuck in the mud. So what, I have trouble with my friends. So what, I'm incredibly self conscious. So what, I'm so angry at everything she has kept me from experiencing because of her fears. So WHAT? I'm not carrying the sins of the entire freaking world on my shoulders. I don't have nails pounded into my hands and feet, gouging my flesh and crushing my bones. I'm not being HUNG on a CROSS. I can't hide behind these petty excuses much longer. I can't be idle because of her. I can't let fear cripple me. I can't expect all sunshine and butterflies, either, obviously. I mean really. Who thinks they aren't going to have to punch life in the face once in a while? Not me. I guess the plan now is to work on my right hook. Maybe, if I get really good, I'll throw in a left jab.
What does the future bring? A tough year, I can feel it. Looking a little closer, it brings college visits. Since camp, you know what has made me even more excited than going to learn about all these college's art programs? Their campus ministry program. I've had my taste of the most loving, supportive, understanding, and knowledgeable community. I'm sooo not ready to give that up.
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